~ Reflections ~

Harder  ~   Becky Hemsley 2023 The harder we love Means the harder we grieve The harder it is To go on when they leave The harder to sleep And the harder to wake To know they’re not here With each breath that we take It’s hard to look forward And hard to look back Stuck in the middle, Imprisoned and trapped Where the harder the darkness The harsher the light, The harsher this world That keeps spinning with life But when that world’s feeling So painful and hard And you can’t imagine Escaping the dark It might help a little To know it’s because The harder we grieve Means the harder we loved

The festival of lights (and dreams) recently went by. Most of us were busy buying clothes, cleaning up, shining our pots, cooking the annual delicacies (read sweets and savories). These annual activities are something most staying in India will relate to. As one grows up (read starts to grey), there is a melancholy associated with most of it. What my mother must be making... what we used to do when the children hadn't flown out of the nest... this time of the year makes us relive all the fun and joy of this time of the year. To me, this festival is all about cleaning, not just the dust, but trimming my wardrobe and home of things that haven't been used in a while. I feel it is important to trim down what one has to welcome the bounty that awaits ! Happy Deepawali !     

I recently rediscovered Thomas Stearns Eliot a.k.a. TS Eliot . Couldn't resist posting some of the lines, considering the sheer joy in just reading his work, especially Four Quartets .  I can't claim to understand it all, but each line has so many realms it touches, that one could just be reeling with couple of lines a day. My current favourite are the following lines from the first part of the Four Quartets titles Burnt Norton : Time present and time past Are both perhaps present in time future, And time future contained in time past. If all time is eternally present All time is unredeemable. If only we could really understand the depth of time, and utilize it wisely, without repent, we would all be happier people ! 

In some shape or form, most of us (individuals and organizations) are in a quest of wealth creation.. moolah..... all ways and means to build for the future. The future for self, progeny, family, society.. the aspiration could vary, but the underlying theme remains the same. The ones with a small loci start with wealth creation for self, and extend it to our families. The next level think about the near and dear. A few have the vision for creating for the society, strangers.  But the bottomline remains the same. A recent edition of First Principles  by The Ken, which all about the joy of investing in self, provided an interesting perspective to this discussion. But to me, the highlight was the article by Nipun Mehta  really changed my viewpoint on wealth. Needless to say, all of us underestimate the impact we have on each other, if only we choose to think about it.

All of us go through different phases in life. If we really pay attention, each phase is meant to teach us something ... for us to grasp some important nuance of life that we have been missing.  So whether we are ecstatic or down in the dumps, the only consistent thread that binds it all is that there is a reason for the moment to occur in our lives. Oh, I am not a proponent of fate/destiny. But I do strongly believe that we reap as we sow. So when you cast a thought (even in your head), try and step out of your situation and try to gauge the overall impact.... So what is this moment trying to tell me ?

Being a woman is tough.... and I don't mean it in a rudimentary way of a menstural cycle and pregnancy and post partem. I mean the more obvious way of having to deal with a roving eye. I have been raised to be an independent, and (almost!) self sufficient person who can take care of herself come hell or high water ! In all these years in the corporate world an trying to make the workplace a more inclusive place, there is a sixth sense which kicks in when I interact with some people.... and THAT is the one thing that keeps me on my toes ! Am I over-reacting in thinking like this... afterall 21% percent of the workforce comprises of women. We might not be a majority, but it isn't a negligible statistic.  Then what is it that makes the mind cringe on those odd occasions ?  Staying away is not the solution, neither is being overly cautious about it.  What is the solution ? Besides relying on the sixth sense, which suddenly just steps up in sticky situation :)

What is music to my ears, sounds like noise to you... Often words fall on your ears and just bounce off without any recollection... Is it lack of interest or lack of memory ?  Or just sheer convenience ! zzzzzz   

For most of us, a bout of anger can happen often - with or without visible reason -  depending on what our mind/subconscious is saying to us. To the recipient of the harsh words, it may feel uncalled for. But irrespective of the cause, the impact is sobering of mood, dulling of enthusiasm, and a feeling of distaste (even if temporary). But what/where does anger stem from? The more you mull over this question, the more answers you'll find. The most common reasons are ofcourse dissatisfaction, discontent, a feeling of disparity (notice how all the common causes start with dis-). But I'd like to dwell on two causes I've noticed, which are often not highlighted, maybe because we choose not to dwell so deep. The first being guilt and the second being a sense of entitlement. Anger stemming from guilt is easy to identify, especially in the corporate world. Lots of folks use the technique of offense is the best defense  when it is actually their work that is lacking. Aggression se...

Faith/Belief, to me, has a very different meaning, which I don't mix with religion. By an average standard, most would call me an atheist, which I strongly disagree with. Faith is sacrosanct, simple. and in one. It doesn't need any beautification. grandiose or marketing/selling to make anyone believe or prove its worth. This understanding hit me even harder when I was recently invited to a Bhagwath Gita paath (पाठ) by Jaya Kishoriji  . This was my first to such an event, and oh. what an eye opener it was. I was later made to understand that this was the norm across venues, which further made me question what we are all moving towards. As against my assumption that such an event would be organized in a temple or a similar simplistic venue, the event was organized in a huge banquet hall which was grander than any of the wedding halls I've been too. The grandeur of the hall, the importance to the food served before and after the daily session (which I believe should have been ...

There is a grace in a withering yellow leaf,  floating in the breeze before it falls on the ground... Alas, all things come to an end,  And this does too... It is on us to decide what we choose. A graceful exit as we wither and float, till we finally land on the ground, lifeless, yet free..

I am very bad it buying gifts.  I mean, I can always buy something for someone, a casual chocolate, an ice cream.. you get the drift... But the minute it comes to getting something in a box for someone, I often freeze... So when I finally thought I should splurge a little on a gift, and finally found a gadget (read: a gift that finally comes in a box)  that would be used, I went ahead and bought it. Ironically, the part I missed was whether it was needed... so in my misguided thrill for finally finding something that would be used, I forgot the other important aspect of a gift ! And so, now, the box is wistfully staring at me, as I stare back... hoping that the beneficiary (not that the person thinks he is benefitting from it)  would finally unbox it ! I know I am making too much of a small thing, but to understand the joy of finally finding something, you need to watch Shall we Dance?    

How do you tell a 9 year old that her father is no more.... As adults, most of us grapple with the thought and logic (if any) behind a dear one leaving us... and I was suddenly left wondering what to say to this 9 year old !!! For the first time in a long time, I was left speechless, not because I didn't want to say anything, but simply because I didn't know what to say.. Does it make sense if I tell you that all of a sudden, I became the child with a rubbery tongue, and the 9 year old had turned into the adult, trying to respond sensibly and sensitively. I was stumped by the questions thrown at me.  I felt so insufficient in my responses, but the child took even that in her stride. The strength of character in facing not just the reality but also fighting each dilemma in her own sweet way left me in deep thought for some time to come. I hope no one has to face what this child did...  PS: I was faced with this recently when a close friend lost her husband, and I was told ...

It's that time of the year when one looks back at the year gone by, trying to delve on the good, the better and the best parts of it... wondering whether it could've packed more !  A consistent realization this time every year is the thought that time just flies by.. swiftly... often without as much as a whisper... which leaves me wishing that I'd done more in the year... This is also the time to think about what one would want to accomplish (not exactly a bucket-list, but even that isn't a bad idea) with the time at hand. So while I resolve to make my life better, by not trying to solve everything for everyone (read interfere in everything) , but instead just being there (at hearing distance :D), I hope I end up making room for other people and things in my life as well. I know the next year will be bigger and better. So cheers to the year that zoomed past, and to the one around the corner. Hoping it would bring good times for everyone. Happy New Year !!!!

After a long long time, I'll be doing something I've really wanted to do...  Did I have to make some alternate settlements... maybe... Will it live up to the hype of it all... can't say... Was it worth a try.. only time will tell... But there is something very clear in my mind... I am glad I'm trying it out.. Because clearly, this is something I've been wanting to do for a long time now...  

Two people in a relationship (be it a marriage, live-in, or whatever name one would like to term the co-dependency) look for a kind of compatibility. For some physical compatibility is a bigger criteria, and for some, mental/emotional compatibility... Whatever the criteria, the success of any relationship, be it a contractually bound marriage, a commitment made or a simple business partnership, is dependent on being able to accept and adjust to the others compatibility.. The irony is that all these directly and indirectly impact our ecosystem as well.... So what should be the checklist before getting into any relationship ?  Can there even be a checklist ? In all these years, I have come to believe that each one of us have our own priorities, and hence our own checklists (or atleast strike lists).. It would be interesting to jot it down just to understand one self... What say ! Cartoon Credit: https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/c/compatible.asp?expanded=CC147237

Life is funny.. It shows you different ways from different people,  different hues....  some resonating with us and some in dissonance.... But what we actually see is often our own fears, our own guilt.. So how we respond to such situations is what we choose to see.... Good... Bad... or Ugly !  

If I was being honest, I'd have to be admit that I am facing a midlife crisis... I mean what is with all my muscles telling me that they need some extra stretching, and my spine giving me subtle indications that its time to start exercising.. my mind continuously second guessing all decisions at work and home... or my belly which has suddenly chosen to appear after 40 year.... Sigh !!!  Infact midlife would be an inaccurate description... this is probably 2/3rd of my life gone by.. in a swoosh.... Recently, I managed to do a vacation (finally!) with my college friends.. and what struck us was that the theme appears to be common... parents at a stage where health is a concern... our lives at a stage where we are getting wake up calls.. children growing up in a world of technology and often a sense of entitlement.... and all of us just reliving our yesteryears....  Is this just a phase where my mind is freaking out... I hope so :) But I need to rein in all my thoughts, and take ...

What is it that makes home feel like home? That makes one come back to it ? I know there are some physical aspects in a house that make it home ..  But IT IS finally, the people who make a house feel like home... People who talk, communicate, are frank with each other...infact I think each person has their own wish list... For someone who likes the banter at home, I've suddenly started to despise OTT and all devices even more... Nowadays. I often walk into a house where each person is attached (read: glued) to their own respective devices...grrrrrr..... I find that my home is missing ?!? Radio silence ....

We have a help who takes care of our Tiny Human in our absence (albeit when we are doing more important things like running in the corporate rat race). It recently occurred to us that she actually has a child of a similar age who she leaves behind at home just to help us run our race. The irony of the situation still makes me wonder. The rat race is keeping us away from taking direct care of the child, but is enabling us to pay someone to do the same on our behalf. Ofcourse that is forcing her to stay away from her our child and being the direct care giver !!!  Strange are the ways of life !

There is a lot said of a House & a Home.. what must be and shouldn't be... But it is as much our choices in life, as much as what we keep at home.. कैसा हो घर का वास्तु  ~ स्वर्गीय अटल बिहारी वाजपेयी घर चाहे कैसा भी हो.. उसके एक कोने में.. खुलकर हंसने की जगह रखना.. सूरज कितना भी दूर हो.. उसको घर आने का रास्ता देना.. कभी कभी छत पर चढ़कर.. तारे अवश्य गिनना.. हो सके तो हाथ बढ़ा कर.. चाँद को छूने की कोशिश करना . अगर हो लोगों से मिलना जुलना.. तो घर के पास पड़ोस ज़रूर रखना.. भीगने देना बारिश में.. उछल कूद भी करने देना.. हो सके तो बच्चों को.. एक कागज़ की किश्ती चलाने देना.. कभी हो फुरसत,आसमान भी साफ हो.. तो एक पतंग आसमान में चढ़ाना.. हो सके तो एक छोटा सा पेंच भी लड़ाना.. घर के सामने रखना एक पेड़.. उस पर बैठे पक्षियों की बातें अवश्य  सुनना.. घर चाहे कैसा भी हो..  घर के एक कोने में.. खुलकर हँसने की जगह रखना. चाहे जिधर से गुज़रिये मीठी सी हलचल मचा दिजिये, उम्र का हरेक दौर मज़ेदार है अपनी उम्र का मज़ा लिजिये.   ज़िंदा दिल रहिए जनाब,  ये चेहरे पे उदासी कैसी वक्त तो बीत ह...