~ Reflections ~

Two people in a relationship (be it a marriage, live-in, or whatever name one would like to term the co-dependency) look for a kind of compatibility. For some physical compatibility is a bigger criteria, and for some, mental/emotional compatibility... Whatever the criteria, the success of any relationship, be it a contractually bound marriage, a commitment made or a simple business partnership, is dependent on being able to accept and adjust to the others compatibility.. The irony is that all these directly and indirectly impact our ecosystem as well.... So what should be the checklist before getting into any relationship ?  Can there even be a checklist ? In all these years, I have come to believe that each one of us have our own priorities, and hence our own checklists (or atleast strike lists).. It would be interesting to jot it down just to understand one self... What say ! Cartoon Credit: https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/c/compatible.asp?expanded=CC147237

Have you ever sought validation for your actions and decisions... As a child, the job is done by our parents and siblings, and they seem to be more than happy expressing their opinion. But what happens when one grows up.... Do we still seek validation as adults ? And more importantly, is it a reflection of our self confidence ? Recently, I was told that I still seek validation from some people. While I was initially taken aback by the feedback, I subconsciously knew it was an accurate observation.  Amusing as it sounds, there seem to be a bunch of us who appear confident and self assured, but who often seek validation from their people. Validation when making key decisions reinforces once belief.  But what sets apart the confident from self - doubting person is whether the absence of this hold one back from making the decision/acting in a situation ! 

Choosing a life partner is one of the toughest decision one faces. I am not undermining the other decisions one makes which have life changing impact.. but this is the one single decision which often stays with us (for better and for worse) for life. The essential difference is that, unlike in the case of parents, who choose you (and a mostly one way decision), the choice of a partner is an individual decision for which one has complete ownership...  So it is not surprising that a lot of us who linger on with the decision... wavering between indecision towards decision, till you finally call it ! What is the single most important criteria for this decision ? While the cliched answer might be compatibility, this might not be true, atleast in an Indian context, where most marriages are a conclusion of meeting and talking and not much beyond. Compatibility is probably what evolves over time, based on understanding and interpretation. So what exactly is it... Af...

Marriage seems to be the most talked about thing... especially in an Indian context... It is made to feel that one's life is incomplete without being married.... All through growing up and the 20's, one is reminded about the D day and The choice ... As if this one choice defines our purpose in life... What is most astonishing is the varied explanations given for getting married... from getting married because all your friends have... to getting married to procreate..... Rarely does someone talk about the true reason one might choose... 

Our views about life, relationships & people keep changing.... When we start out any relationship, we resolve that we'll accept everyone as they are..... But slowly, we get the itch to change the person....not necessarily to our liking, but towards our ideals..... And then guilt follows, when the realization strikes, that what we had resolved to love, without limits, unchanged, is what we are trying to change, knowingly..... and questioning them all the way..... Now I know what Oscar Wilde meant when he said....  "Women  are meant to be loved, not to be understood."