~ Reflections ~

Harder  ~   Becky Hemsley 2023 The harder we love Means the harder we grieve The harder it is To go on when they leave The harder to sleep And the harder to wake To know they’re not here With each breath that we take It’s hard to look forward And hard to look back Stuck in the middle, Imprisoned and trapped Where the harder the darkness The harsher the light, The harsher this world That keeps spinning with life But when that world’s feeling So painful and hard And you can’t imagine Escaping the dark It might help a little To know it’s because The harder we grieve Means the harder we loved

I never thought creating something will create a new being in me.  This part of me seems to be a new find, even to myself. I guess its the circle of life... being created and then re-created, till the end of life.

I know this subject has been beaten to death everywhere including books... Seize the day, like there is no tomorrow. However, despite these repeated reminders we keep getting from everyone, the point is often lost.. till it hits home.... leaving behind heavy baggage... We often postpone things, thinking we'll find a more opportunities in the future to do the necessary, say the needful... but alas !!

Most of us have had to circle doctors to cure our illnesses... This, in some cases, leads to visits to a hospital and sometimes even surgery. While it is scary to be inside an operation theatre, I realised that sitting on the outside is equally gruelling. Inside an OT, one atleast has a Doctor by their side, who is bound to look out for the welfare of the patient.... But what about the family, which is often left hyperventilating in the waiting rooms filled with others in similar situations. Those few hours of helplessness in the waiting room often have a life long impact, enough to change ones perspective about life !

Each life is important and has its own impact. Even if we don't dwell deeper in realms like life and death and it's importance and consequences in each life, I feel we must think about each life in two contexts.  One, how will your loved ones deal with your death..  and second, how will you deal with the death of your loved one. Both these questions are equally important in realizing how independent or inter-dependent (as the case may be) are our minds and thoughts... It is difficult to say which is better or worse, whether their co-existence is the ideal kind of a relationship. This is not to say that we should move on in life dispassionately, so live in silos... after all the fewer beings you interact with, the easier it will be for anyone to get on... But living in silos to me is such a waste of a life... after all coexistence and interdependence is the beauty in this life.... Wondering if there is a right balance at all !!

Is what is it that you feel, when you say you feel pride in someone.. Is it right to talk about your pride only after the person is no more.... It is always easy to talk about someone in the past tense... But to express the same thing in the present.. That's much tougher...

I will drop dead some day... hopefully it won't be long and painful (fingers crossed)..  Can't stake claims on any great achievements, so my send off, obviously will be inline....  I know I'd be missed by my near and dear, but I don't think I'd like a long a dreary ceremony to put me to rest.... I can just be donated in parts or to some medical college in full (if my health permits)... or simply be burnt down to ashes with all that is left put in soil with a nice plant/tree on top.. it feels like a appropriate final destination...  Don't seem to like the idea of flowing down the Ganges, or being washed down the Yamuna.... PS: Don't worry... I am not in a suicidal mode... this is not a death wish... this is just what I ideally want done when I finally kick the bucket...

We keep playing around with our lives, treating our bodies like some sack that can be punched around... or more appropriately like the hit me toy, which comes back even after suffering a punch... But unfortunately, our body is neither.... its suffers each impact or neglect and non maintenance till it finally gives in... clearly, we indirectly keep inviting what we are not prepared to accept... that there is an end, and it will come soon enough.... So what happens in the end... will we rise up in smoke, or become a part of the earth once again....  What if we have an opportunity to help someone out... is it such a bad idea ? Think about it http://notto.nic.in/

you were here with us  and suddenly, we were grappling with different facts that the life you embraced with such joy and simplicity had deserted you somehow you smiled  throughout  whatever came your way in life you maintained your calm through all the pain and strife thoroughly enjoying everything from a Indian team cricket victory to a wedding with you, even a coke and hot chocolate fudge felt like a treat having discussed everything with you from politics to books we are now left wondering if we missed the opportunity to tell you in our lives, what for, you stood though we are left trying to pick up the pieces again we know you'd want us to enjoy life your way so we won't cry or add misery to our life ahead though we will always be wondering how it would've been if you hadn't left

We look ahead in life... we plan for what we want it to be like... In hope that it will all work out... In confidence that we would be able to control the way things pan out... But what we are merely doing is hedging our risks....  Because we don't seem to have control at all...  On when it is time to come... and when it is that you drop dead... So play all you want... Eat what you like... Live the moment... Dance on the streets.... Because you never realize this is the last.... till it is too late..

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, The flying cloud, the frosty light: The year is dying in the night; Ring out, wild bells, and let him die. Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true. Ring out the grief that saps the mind, For those that here we see no more; Ring out the feud of rich and poor, Ring in redress to all mankind. Ring out a slowly dying cause, And ancient forms of party strife; Ring in the nobler modes of life, With sweeter manners, purer laws. Ring out the want, the care, the sin, The faithless coldness of the times; Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes, But ring the fuller minstrel in. Ring out false pride in place and blood, The civic slander and the spite; Ring in the love of truth and right, Ring in the common love of good. Ring out old shapes of foul disease; Ring out the narrowing lust of gold; Ring out the thousand wars of old, Rin...

We all talk about making amends in our life... like exercising, quit smoking, eating healthy... the list is almost endless.... In this pursuit of an ideal life and livelihood, we keep trying to mend and amend our lives, and those of our loved ones.... All this when we know, but don't accept, that the clock is ticking, the ball is rolling... and somewhere in the distant (if not near) future, this will all come to a grinding halt... I mean our life ofcourse... But for all the levity and naivety that carries us through, we often miss the actual essence of our lives... to love and be loved.... to hope... to dream and accomplish.... What we should do once in a while is to pause... step back... and admire the view  :)

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one.  We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things. ~ Lemony Snicket,  Horseradish It is funny how we want to plan everything in life... and yet, no thought is given to the one definite eventuality. I don't mean that we should live in the fear of dying. But maybe we'd enjoy what we have in hand more if we are cognizant of the fact that this is all going to end some day.

From being mortals to lesser mortals to becoming photographs on the wall... Life just ticks along... and we just realize how time takes us along with it..

that thought in my head... it doesn't seem to go.. when i should have said what i'd known... but couldn't seem to find the right moment to do.. now life has given me a moment's grace.. to say what i want to..  so i don't take it to my grave.. my mind is doing a somersault... 'coz i have time enough, just to mention 'em all... and that's what i deserve in the end... something i wanted to say, but was left stuck in my head.. PS: This is another masterpiece by MC Escher