~ Reflections ~

Have you ever sought validation for your actions and decisions... As a child, the job is done by our parents and siblings, and they seem to be more than happy expressing their opinion. But what happens when one grows up.... Do we still seek validation as adults ? And more importantly, is it a reflection of our self confidence ? Recently, I was told that I still seek validation from some people. While I was initially taken aback by the feedback, I subconsciously knew it was an accurate observation.  Amusing as it sounds, there seem to be a bunch of us who appear confident and self assured, but who often seek validation from their people. Validation when making key decisions reinforces once belief.  But what sets apart the confident from self - doubting person is whether the absence of this hold one back from making the decision/acting in a situation ! 

We are one confused species... we seem to strive for different things in each phase of life, and yet manage to be dissatisfied with the outcome... As kids, we wish to grow up... We have parents whom we'd love to over rule.. With each growing year, we become more independent, and seek money, career and similar trappings... and in th e process losing out time with people... I wonder how this would've been if it was the other way round... grew up as an adult and finally became a child, would I be more satisfied in life !?!

I think most of you grow up wanting to be good parents.. in effect, we end up parenting not just our children but our siblings, friends, family, and even our parents. Little do we realize that most of these people never signed up/needed someone to parent them. The realization dawned when my mother pointedly mentioned that their holidays are more adventurous and fun when I am not around with them, since there is no one constantly telling her to mind her step, or second guess if she'd be able to climb the mountain. As much as I'd like to deny this, it is probably true. Call it concern, or pure-simple role reversal, we, as children are hard-wired to keep second guessing such things about our parents. Life does come a full circle after all.... From our parents wondering about our well being when we as children sought freedom and adventure, to a complete 180 degree, where we consider ourselves as their care taker, and they seek a new horizon.

All of us talk about gender equality, and woman empowerment... How a girl is as good as a boy, that she can be treated like one... I've heard lots of parents saying they've raised their daughters like sons... maybe with the intent that they have been raised to be as independent and self sufficient...  But as long as we aspire for our girls to be treated like the boys... as long as the women are competing with the men... we can never be expected to be treated as equals... it feels like there is still something lacking... Women who seek to equal men lack ambition ~ Marilyn Monroe

We were recently having an arbitrary conversation recently about who are our real loved ones, besides our parents/children. It was fairly amusing to see, as I deliberated on my choices, that my answers would have varied at different points in my life. The change can partly be attributed to the change in environment around us, and hence the different people around us, but it also has to do with the change in our interpretation on the concept called love and being loved. The only people who will probably steadily rank high on this list, despite time and age are our parents.

This is an important question... There is no right answer.. I think it is each woman to her own... Though they haven't provided the answer, Titan has managed to capture most of the thoughts growing in our minds... We all have our thoughts on what kind of parents we'd like to be... what all we'd aspire for our child, and what in turn we achieve ourselves... But in most cases, becoming parents (especially mothers) suddenly changes their lives where all hopes and aspirations are for the child, almost neglecting oneself...  I wonder what I'd do when the time comes !!

We are all born in different homes... with different cultures and habits.. functions and functionalities.. But the one thing that seems to bind us all is the thought that our parents are outdated and need to update their outlook in life.. What most of us tend to ignore is that it is because of these same set of people that we are able to think the way we do... It is the freedom that they have given us which has enables us to question everything... even them.... How easily we forget our roots.... especially when we are in full bloom....

Read this somewhere... It struck a chord somewhere... As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India. My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange  rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went dow...

Our parents are the single biggest influence in our lives... But if we believe that they the only ones, its untrue... We are all like sponges... observing things around us, and absorbing what we like... The rate of absorption might reduce with age, but I doubt it ever stops... Since our school teachers are the people we observe most, when we are kids... they are the other set of strong influence.... To all those who taught me... knowingly & unknowingly.. Thank you... for doing what you're doing.. the way you are doing it.... Because atleast I've learnt from it....

All of us love our parents... But I doubt, if even once in our lifetime, we tell them how much we love them... ya ya.. I get it... that some things are understood, and need not be said... but once they start getting old... these are the things that keep them going... to know that they are loved... that we'll take care of them... Afterall, life comes a full circle.. from their holding our hand to walk... to us holding theirs....