~ Reflections ~

Often, we take so much for granted... That we have a roof over our head... sufficient money to survive through these trying times... the faculties, mental and physical to execute what we want.... And most importantly (and often the most taken for granted), loving family, friends and well wishers who truly care... who are willing to step up when you are forced to step down... who are willing to lookout for you well being at all times, in your highs and their lows as well !!

Often, I have wondered if being in the company of friends-who-are-family and family-like-friends is overrated. But increasingly, I am beginning to get convinced that 'the pleasure' of being alone is overrated. For the last fortnight, I was looking forward to a weekend alone, trying to get up-to-date with myself. I had convinced myself that I would have fun and enjoy. But life had a different plan. I ended up spending the entire weekend, not being alone, and totally enjoyed the process.  The endless discussions about the useful and the useless events in life, might not have added to my knowledge, but left me with this warm feeling that it is never enough. While having your own space is important, I don't think anything comes close to being able to share, without any inhibitions or worry about opinions. So a big thanks to my Guardian Angel, who chose to spend time with me and give me company all through the weekend  !

Though I thought I plan my travel fairly well, I am likely to be in mid air on New Year's eve... neither at home with family nor celebrating with friends.. just mid air, peeping out of window at a horizon that always makes me wonder what this universe is truly made of. Maybe it is an appropriate time then, to relook the year gone by, before welcoming the new year, which will hopefully be  welcome change.... pardon me if you find my thoughts more philosophical than usual...  Time might reduce the pain, but the memory remains...  About an year has gone by.... the wound that was fresh, has kind of reduced.. but whoever said one could heal, is all a farce... we just learn to make do with who/what we have with us to the best of our abilities.... but I don't think there is anything called healing... I probably knew all this, but seeing this again in such close quarters kind of refreshed this understanding... Distance makes the heart go stronger Maybe it is ...

It is difficult to explain... We spend so much time with each other... we are part of each others growing up... We grow up.. get busy... run the rat race... Suddenly, one fine day, we realize that it is not the same... Unsure whether it is people have moved, or whether we have.. whether we disappeared in their daily landscape.. or they did in ours... But this feeling..... this nagging feeling.... hmmmmm.....

We learn different aspects to different people/moments we come across in life... afterall we are but sponges, who absorb what we come across, both positive and negative... The love for history from a fabulous teacher in school who kept narrating history of the world like small anecdotes she witnessed herself.... The love for reading from a doting grandfather who would mark out snippets in the newspaper for us to read... The fear of traffic defaulters from the accident of a dear friend... The list is endless.... But we somehow ignore the inherent reason we are able to soak all this up... the gene pool and the environment we grew up in, thanks to our family and near and dear....

Off late I seem to be missing the small things in life... Does it make any sense when I say that I miss those random midnight chats with friends.... being able to call anyone at anytime of the day/night.... those arbitrary discussion about a travel trip which starts with seeing the photos... the wish to have all meals together...  24hrs with no one but myself... I can go on an on...  But somehow, the sudden realization that I probably won't be able to do any of this is giving me a dull feeling of missing out on life...  Somehow it is these small moments in life that I am missing... and in effect, the bigger things being achieved seemed to look paler in comparison...

It suddenly hit me that the year is about to come to an end... This time of the year is normally when I sit down to think what have been the high points and low points of the year.... I don't exactly do this try accounting for the year that has, as usual, zoomed by...  I do this because somewhere, it makes me identify, more clearly the people/things that count to me the most... moments that have clearly left a mark, and are now a part of me...  Almost every year, most of the high points are contributed by my family... close friends... whom we often take for granted the most.. This year has also left a lot to seek... a healthier life for everyone... take a break from work more often... and some growth in work & family... But in the middle of all this.. some highs & some lows... I feel that the year went by fine... And hope that we have even better ones ahead of us...