~ Reflections ~

What do you do when you want to break an existing norm, but don't want to hurt the sentiments of someone you care...  Let the person stay under the illusion that you agree with their thought ? Or make you stand clear ?  Where does one draw the line.. will the stance remain eclipsed forever... At one end, in my head, I am quite clear on what I believe.. But at the same time, I don't think I have the courage to take the stand and explain it... Clearly, to be able to pull it off, you need courage or clout !

We often plan something... build it up in our head... And one fine day, we realize, that the outcome has been very different... So were we expecting too much from life... Or is this life's way of showing us who is the boss...

Though I thought I plan my travel fairly well, I am likely to be in mid air on New Year's eve... neither at home with family nor celebrating with friends.. just mid air, peeping out of window at a horizon that always makes me wonder what this universe is truly made of. Maybe it is an appropriate time then, to relook the year gone by, before welcoming the new year, which will hopefully be  welcome change.... pardon me if you find my thoughts more philosophical than usual...  Time might reduce the pain, but the memory remains...  About an year has gone by.... the wound that was fresh, has kind of reduced.. but whoever said one could heal, is all a farce... we just learn to make do with who/what we have with us to the best of our abilities.... but I don't think there is anything called healing... I probably knew all this, but seeing this again in such close quarters kind of refreshed this understanding... Distance makes the heart go stronger Maybe it is ...

Marriage seems to be the most talked about thing... especially in an Indian context... It is made to feel that one's life is incomplete without being married.... All through growing up and the 20's, one is reminded about the D day and The choice ... As if this one choice defines our purpose in life... What is most astonishing is the varied explanations given for getting married... from getting married because all your friends have... to getting married to procreate..... Rarely does someone talk about the true reason one might choose... 

I have often, and on some days, multiple times in a single day, wondered if it is worth it to "present" the reality in a more palatable form. In our bidding to cushion the blow, or save the day, or sometimes just save ourselves from giving explanations, we invent the truth or maybe window-dress it... without realizing that it will all catch up with us. With an already overburdened brain, one often tends to get lost in the various shades visible and forget what it really looks like, only to get a rude shock when a situation presents itself. Though it might seem tough, and often tedious to deliver the truth, it is definitely easier in the long run, than to keep remembering what one has said so far. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. ~ Mark Twain

I will drop dead some day... hopefully it won't be long and painful (fingers crossed)..  Can't stake claims on any great achievements, so my send off, obviously will be inline....  I know I'd be missed by my near and dear, but I don't think I'd like a long a dreary ceremony to put me to rest.... I can just be donated in parts or to some medical college in full (if my health permits)... or simply be burnt down to ashes with all that is left put in soil with a nice plant/tree on top.. it feels like a appropriate final destination...  Don't seem to like the idea of flowing down the Ganges, or being washed down the Yamuna.... PS: Don't worry... I am not in a suicidal mode... this is not a death wish... this is just what I ideally want done when I finally kick the bucket...

I think most of you grow up wanting to be good parents.. in effect, we end up parenting not just our children but our siblings, friends, family, and even our parents. Little do we realize that most of these people never signed up/needed someone to parent them. The realization dawned when my mother pointedly mentioned that their holidays are more adventurous and fun when I am not around with them, since there is no one constantly telling her to mind her step, or second guess if she'd be able to climb the mountain. As much as I'd like to deny this, it is probably true. Call it concern, or pure-simple role reversal, we, as children are hard-wired to keep second guessing such things about our parents. Life does come a full circle after all.... From our parents wondering about our well being when we as children sought freedom and adventure, to a complete 180 degree, where we consider ourselves as their care taker, and they seek a new horizon.

We work in groups... teams... And each person wants to add value to the discussion.. to every decision... till there comes a point where the point is lost.. And it all seems in vain... The more people spoke, the closer to consensus every decision came, and the less responsibility anyone had. ~ Terry Pratchett,  Thief of Time

I don't know why I started crying... I worse still, I don't know why the tears aren't stopping...  It's not like I've not endured worse and put up with it.. Or atop that drop from coming out of the corner of my eye.... Maybe the floodgates just got crashed, and now nothing is stopping them... I guess it'll take its time to dry up... But while it lasts, let it all get out... So that nothing remains.. And everything can start afresh.. PS: Bottle up stuff, and the odds are that it'd present itself as anger or tears or both !

I'll not run anyone's life – nor let anyone run mine.  I will not rule nor be ruled.  I will not be a master nor a slave.  I will not sacrifice myself to anyone – nor sacrifice anyone to myself.  ~ Ayn Rand Textbook of Americanism