~ Reflections ~

I know we (I mean women) keep harping about the lack of gender equality in the society, especially when it comes to the mundane tasks of running a household (which is often the biggest source of angst for a blissfully single person just married) . Most women in the current (Indian) society atleast are hard wired to pick up such responsibilities. Having said that, I've met lots of men who are willing to help, and want to take that step. They often don't venture offering help not because they don't want to, but because they are worried that they might ultimately (still) be reprimanded by their partner for not doing it right. Please note, not doing it right in this context is simply, not doing it my way ! Long story short, it is not just about your partner taking the initiative to do the chores, but also you letting the person do it the way they know best. Yes, it might be a messy affair the initial few times. But do remember the first time you did it on your o...

While I can't claim to be a connoisseur of paintings and art in general, I can safely say good art has always piqued my interest. Since schooling was in an era devoid of what we now call Internet, a lot of it was what had been described in the books one read. The only other way to get the experience was to visit museums and be enthralled by this totally different take on the world around, often not in a very direct or real way, but could lead one into realms of imagination which was normally difficult to find. Having said that, I safely steer clear from conversation of Cubism - Renaissance etc simply because I've never 'studied' these subjects.  Growing up in Delhi provided the advantage of being able to frequent places like The National Gallery for Modern Art , National Museum and Mandi House area, exposing me to an amazing collection (often underrated), becoming a regular go-to place during college. The likes of Raja Ravi Varma , S H Raza , Biren De have alway...

So what do you look for in your partner - Someone who can keep the house together ?  Someone who manages to keep all your relationships - family and friends (as water is often purer than blood) ? While it might not be an either or  kind of choice, the dexterity with which one is achieved often impacts the efficiency in the other aspect. The decision might also depend on how complimentary the skill is with one self, as merely supplementary skills might not suffice. Can't we find someone who is good at both - appears tough. It's like trying to seek the perfect partner, a search which might not have any result :D But then again, what IS more important to you ? Can there even be a preference ? 12-Nov-19

Often, I have wondered if being in the company of friends-who-are-family and family-like-friends is overrated. But increasingly, I am beginning to get convinced that 'the pleasure' of being alone is overrated. For the last fortnight, I was looking forward to a weekend alone, trying to get up-to-date with myself. I had convinced myself that I would have fun and enjoy. But life had a different plan. I ended up spending the entire weekend, not being alone, and totally enjoyed the process.  The endless discussions about the useful and the useless events in life, might not have added to my knowledge, but left me with this warm feeling that it is never enough. While having your own space is important, I don't think anything comes close to being able to share, without any inhibitions or worry about opinions. So a big thanks to my Guardian Angel, who chose to spend time with me and give me company all through the weekend  !

After all the fuss around Women's Day, Men's Day seems to be the flavour of the season. While there seem to be different aspects both these phenomenon's seem to be talking about... but the crux of all the communication around them talks about one thing. Avoid Stereotyping ! Yes, be it man or wo-man, these is no single box that can be assigned to men - only or women - only. Each have their own characteristics, some unique, some similar... The strength of the person is not in whether they are driven by estrogen or testosterone.. it is the unique 'combination' of their characteristics that makes them strong.

An empty mind is a devil's workshop... so what does an empty blogpost signify ?

What does one do after you realize you have goofed up.... I am mean after the realization dawns.... Once we get past the moaning and groaning of what a fool we have been not to see this coming... what next..... Make amends, so that future goof ups are avoided... Done... Do you then go and inform the other impacted parties about your goof up ?  Own up the mistake ? I guess one should..  And hope that they all forgive and forget...  So that you are not taunted for the rest of your life about it...  

While we try and comprehend the various changes the government has managed overnight in the status of J&K along with the freedom it has finally given Ladakh from being treated as a part of this highly militarized area, we have successfully managed to make both our neighbours curse the Indian government simultaneously. The debate, on whether this move will lead to consequences - good, bad and ugly - is an endless one.. with people from all quarters saying different things.The ones who will actually face the music are the ones staying in this area, be it the internal lock down or the sudden alertness on the border. If it were not for our inherent patriotism, it would be difficult (from a humanitarian perspective) to decide whether the consequences being faced at the border and in the state are justified. While a lot of these discussions end in a heated manner, with strong views on the Defense of the country, the conclusion, more often than not, remains the same - that t...

We expect something great... We gush towards the outcome... All roads seem to head in the right direction... Then suddenly, Life seems to slam the brakes.. And we realize that a moment is all it takes... For all the hopes to come crumbling down.. To loose what we thought we had found.. It only makes one realize that we are a mere pawn... Dancing to the tunes from dusk to dawn... And then again, we begin to find hope.. And again we think, we hold the rope !

We might have millions of people around.. .  Well-wishers who want the best for you..  But finally, our decisions are something  we have to deal with on our own.  Does it mean that we are lonely? Maybe.  But even if you were cushioned in a life full of loving people, these are the battles you have to fight all alone. 

Boredom is a funny thing. Or maybe our mind is. When we are overworked, we look forward to a phase of no work... and as soon as we hit such a patch, we crave for work. Wonder if there is anything called a Balanced work-life.

Almost on a daily basis, the newspapers and online portals seem to carry news regarding rapes, acid attacks and other such hate crimes, driven not out of desperation but a vile sense of self accomplishment or fulfillment. Often I wonder if the society has just become more violent, or if the media is more receptive to such news, or if the person who has undergone the trauma have now started coming out in the open. Either ways, it is scary to think that we live in a world where such vile thoughts are so common place, and worse still, that such people continue with their lives while the ones who take these encounters head on and survive them are called 'victims'. I am not sure what needs to be done to make the society more live-able. One thing is for sure. It isn't the supposed 'victim' who needs to be treated but the mindset of those who do these things. Also, society at large needs to be made more accountable. Most of us seem to be happy living our cosy liv...

Wonder what to make of it... when all the people you treat as friends seem to disappear... and you are left with ... just people around you... Does that mean you are past your time ?  Is it just time to leave now ? Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave. Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes.  I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~ Charles M Schulz

Thanks to the fantastic weather outside, I decided to go on a drive - windows rolled down, with cool breeze playing with my hair... I was beginning to travel into a different world..... till a blaring horn brought me back to the noisy roads of Delhi. I concluded that it was no longer possible to enjoy the weather by driving through the city, as there would always be some moron ready to honk you back to reality ! Please use the horn only when it is absolutely necessary or is a matter of life and death. No point being so noisy anyway !!

We seem to be a generation living in absolute contrasts. Most of us seem to be living our lives online, constantly "posting" every trivial thing we do on social network, be it facebook, instagram, linkedin, yet we fail to live the moment passing us by. Ironically, what we should try to discuss and debate are the exact thoughts we seem to carefully guard. It is as if we like the walls we build. Life would be so much easier if we weren't caged in the walls we built.

Magnanimity doesn't have a defined form. Or lets just say that one can encounter it in any shape and size, in any place... especially where one least expects it. Recently, a colleague narrated a similar story about the Assam Riots of 2012 , due to which many were rendered homeless and often, orphaned. But that's not why I have been in awe ever since. This absolutely inconspicuous colleague (also from Assam) told me how his room mate (whom he calls his brother) lost his parents in these riots when he was a teenager... How he saw his family being burnt alive with his own eyes. The surprising part is that he, as if he was stating the obvious, mentioned that this boy has been with him ever since, and he is now his guardian, and ensures his well being, both mental and physical. He is ensuring that he studies well (proudly admitting that he recently topped his class in DU) and he has already started preparing for IAS. Why I am even more in awe is because the supposed guardian ...

All of us chose our battles to fight. It could be about participation, breaking free, self assertion or just stating your mind. And more often than not, it all starts with small steps. Stating facts, setting examples and then sighting them, to make it seem normal, till it becomes the new normal. Gilette's ad on breaking stereotypes is one such example.

There are moments of doubt we all feel... second thoughts about what to do... There are instants of anger... and often, long spaces of regret... We move along all these emotions, almost daily... Live, to Die another day.... The following lines give good meaning, to going on.. There are stars  you haven't seen  and loves you haven't loved.  There's light you haven't felt  and sunrises yet to dawn.  There are dreams  you haven't dreamt  and days you haven't lived  and nights you won't forget  and flowers yet to grow.  There is more to you  that you have yet to  know. ~ Gaby Comprés

All of us like indulging in political commentary.  Primarily about the Prime Minister. Some of us, the MLA for the constituency. Often uninformed. Sometimes substantiated by media reports. Opinion mostly formed by random discussions in groups of equally uninformed people. This is how a majority of the 'educated' seem to vote. The other end of the spectrum are the supposedly 'uneducated', who not only know who their local MLAs & MPs are, but will easily be able to list of out what they have done for their constituency, and whether there has been any material difference. The easiest way to test this is to talk to the cab drivers, house helps etc, who will be able to confirm the same. So when an middle class family member grudgingly states that there has been insignificant change in their lives for the new MLA, it is because this set doesn't need to be appeased through action. All it takes is words. Anyway, for those who want to make a slightly more informed...

All of us are doing multiple things at a time... Various responsibilities... a list of pending chores...  A long list of confused thoughts and a longer list of woes.. As we walk through life, we get used to juggling everything... precariously keeping balance.... living it to the edge....and focusing our energies on keeping it together... So what happens if we just drop a ball... does all hell break lose...  Most of us aren't conditioned to handle this momentary chaos !

What happens when the blocks you setup, the ones you depend on, start tumbling down. Initially the loose and frail ones, but ultimately even the firms ones start to disappear. Is it a sign of age ? Or is it merely a sign for change ? Or maybe both seem to have suddenly coincided. What is the right response to such a situation, because it is tough to sustain numbing your way through this turmoil. Being patient might appear to be a good strategy in some instances and might feel like living in fool's paradise other times. There seems to be limited clarity on what can be done. However, it is clear that once the dust settles, and the tumbling stops, resulting in lesser stumbling, what remains will stay.... hopefully for good.

Everyone (Households and Corporates included) seem to have suddenly taken this appreciation to celebrating Women's Day. Different aspects of equality including load sharing to gender equality seem to be touched on during the discussion and advertisements of the day. I often wonder if celebrating such a day is energy misdirected.. afterall equality and equal rights is not just a celebration for a day. It is something to be understood and absorbed. Needless to say, the trending 'feminist' views seem to push it to the next level..  Somehow, all of sudden, being confident as a woman seems to be equated to no need for marriage... being aware of our rights has translated into sessions about environment in workplace... all of it being discussed with and amongst women. When did being okay with being single become a feminist stand. I'd have understood if the narrative was that marriage is not only about getting someone to manage the house and kids but someone who...

Different people, different hues.. Different thoughts and different views.. Some persist without a thought.. Some resist without a doubt.. Irrespective of how the mind works.. It finally accepts people with their quirks.. And learns to dull the pain.. From dealing with the new change.. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~ Richard Bach ( Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah)

If one were to dwell on what defines a human... one would initially fumble on the usual suspects... But I don't think it matters whether the person is big or small, working or jobless, productive or unproductive, an addict or a saint...  What ultimately matters is how one treats the other person... both loved ones and strangers...

Each life is important and has its own impact. Even if we don't dwell deeper in realms like life and death and it's importance and consequences in each life, I feel we must think about each life in two contexts.  One, how will your loved ones deal with your death..  and second, how will you deal with the death of your loved one. Both these questions are equally important in realizing how independent or inter-dependent (as the case may be) are our minds and thoughts... It is difficult to say which is better or worse, whether their co-existence is the ideal kind of a relationship. This is not to say that we should move on in life dispassionately, so live in silos... after all the fewer beings you interact with, the easier it will be for anyone to get on... But living in silos to me is such a waste of a life... after all coexistence and interdependence is the beauty in this life.... Wondering if there is a right balance at all !!

So often we enter a comfort zone,  not wanting to let go of the pleasure of knowing what will come your way..  What to expect...  But as always,  life has other plans..  It takes special sadistic pleasure in turning your world upside down... One block moves,  and the whole world comes tumbling down...  The only bright side,  if you can all it that,  is you now have the experience and ability (hopefully)  to rebuild it all...  Obviously with a block missing,  it will look different,  and there will always be that missing link... 

As the calendar approaches the second fortnight of December, the mind but wanders.. It starts evaluating the year about to end.. and begins to contemplate on the good, the not - so - good, the bad and the ugly....  A rationale mind tries to derive some meaning and learning from all the revision of the past events, hoping that what has been experienced will only be bettered in times to come... A paranoid mind will wonder how quickly time went by, wondering what came out of the year that seems to be flying by... Either ways, both categories subsequently start wondering what their New Year resolutions should be... ideally something that hasn't been thought of in the past years.. both more often than not, these resolutions just fizzle out after a week or so in January itself... The more focused resolutions last a month or so... So this year, I've resolved not to get carried away with any specific New Year resolution just for the heck of it... I'll adopt the resolution...